


Too Many Colors

by whataflammableheart



Category: Love Victor (TV 2020)
Genre: Benji takes Victor on a field trip, Boys Kissing, Coming Out, Family Issues, Fluff, Gay in the Woods, Hiking, M/M, Simon's jacket is important, Teen Romance, Victor is going to be okay, Victor is sweet and thoughtful, derek bashing, post-Season 1, some angst too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:48:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29405772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whataflammableheart/pseuds/whataflammableheart
Summary: The day after the Spring Fling Benji takes Victor hiking. Nothing is perfect, but some things are good. Really good.
Relationships: Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Victor Salazar
Comments: 12
Kudos: 54





	Too Many Colors

**Author's Note:**

> A sweet little post-Spring Fling oneshot because I rewatched Love, Victor recently and Venji is too adorable for words. I wrote this in less than 24 hours because god forbid I focus on one project at a time on this website. Let me know if you enjoy it! I'm a leo moon and I live for validation!
> 
> Too Many Colors by Twin Shadow is one of my fave songs on the Love, Victor soundtrack. Definitely recommend listening if you haven't!

The phone rang in Victor’s ear and he felt his pulse fluttering around uselessly in his palms. His mouth was dry. He was dimly aware that he was smiling, that he couldn’t have stopped it if he’d tried, but he definitely felt a bit sick.

“Hello?” Benji sounded a little scratchy through the phone, the way he did first thing in the morning on opening shifts at Brasstown.

“Hey,” Victor said, breathier than he meant to be.

“Hey.” He could hear the smile in Benji’s voice.

“I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

It took Benji just a second too long to respond. “No."

Victor scrubbed a hand over his face. “I totally did,” he groaned.

Benji laughed. “Maybe,” he admitted. “It’s fine though. You’re worth it.”

Victor grinned and stood up from the bed. Sitting still seemed impossible with the vibrations of anxiety and excitement thrumming through is body. “Um.” He scratched the back of his head, suddenly completely unsure what to say. “How was the rest of your night?”

Benji chuckled again. “I think your answer to that question might be a little more relevant right now."

“What do you mean?”

“I may have… seen Mia’s Insta post?” Benji’s voice rose as if asking a question and Victor’s stomach flipped. He hadn’t been on social media since before the dance. It had pretty much been the farthest thing from his mind.

“She posted about it?” He was aware that his voice sounded a little panicky, but he couldn’t control it.

“She just mentioned being single again in her caption, nothing like… I mean, no details.” Relief flooded him and he sank back down on the bed, feeling like some kind of gay teenage jack-in-the box.

“Oh. Good. I mean.” He let out a breath, the guilt that the prospect of talking to Benji had been distracting him from rushing back. “She saw us last night.”

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah.” They were quiet for a moment and the scenes from last night that had been jostling for attention in his mind all seemed to play at once.

Benji kissing him. Andrew coming out of the bathroom stall. Mia’s tears. Benji telling him he broke up with Derek. His parent’s faces, blank with shock. Pilar’s accusations outside of the school. _Benji kissing him_. Saying those words, the words he’d hardly let himself even think. _I’m gay._

“Are you okay?”

Victor groaned. Benji was so gentle, so kind, so _good_. And all Victor had done since he’d met him was fuck up.

“I messed up,” he said. “We shouldn’t have– Or I should have told her sooner. I mean I never should have dated her in the first place, it was stupid and selfish, and now I’m pretty sure she’ll never talk to me again and I don’t even _blame_ her. And now with my parents– I don’t even know what’s gonna happen. I just feel like all I do is make things worse.” With effort Victor managed to cut himself off.

“Woah. Hey,” came Benji’s voice, soft around the edges. “That’s my friend you’re talking about.”

Victor couldn’t help but smile a little at that.

“Sorry. God, _sorry,_ I didn’t mean to just unload like that.” He flopped onto his back. “I guess I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed right now.”

“Yeah, it sounds like it,” Benji said. “What was that about your parents?”

“Oh yeah.” Victor covered his eyes with his hand. “I came out to them. Right after they told me and Pilar that they’re separating.”

“Oh. Victor.” He could hear the concern in Benji’s voice and for some reason Victor was laughing. He felt hysterical, and despite all of the guilt and uncertainty, somehow lighter than he had… maybe ever.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, tell me if you’re not into this, but I know a place a little outside of town. If you’re down to drive I bet I could convince my mom to let us borrow her car. I wish I could offer to just whisk you away but obviously that’s off the table.” He gave a little self-deprecating laugh. “It just sounds like getting a little space might do you some good.”

Victor imagined it. Being in a car with Benji. Leaving town. Being somewhere else. Together. Alone. His face felt hot. The circumstances of their last trip felt worlds away from what Benji was proposing now.

“That sounds really great,” he said. Understatement of the century.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool.”

Victor turned his head to bury his face in the pillow next to him, grinning. Part of him felt guilty about agreeing to go, almost like he didn’t deserve to escape after everything that happened, but a much larger part of him thought he would probably agree to go to Mars if Benji suggested it.

In the silence Benji laughed. It was awkward and it also wasn’t. Victor laughed too.

“Would you want to meet at my place at, like, noon? I can pack us something to eat.” Victor nodded pointlessly and removed his face from the pillow.

“Yeah, that sounds good. Text me your address?”

“Yeah, will do.”

“Cool.”

Benji laughed again and echoed Victor. “Cool.”

“Thanks, Benji. You’re…” Victor scrambled to find words for the warmth bouncing around his rib cage. “I just feel really lucky.” Benji took long enough to respond that Victor started to wonder if he’d said something wrong, but then,

“Me too, Victor,” and there was something delicate in his words that Victor couldn’t quite pick apart. They were quiet for another moment and this time neither of them laughed. “I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

“Yeah, see you soon.” Victor hung up the phone and stayed where he was, staring at the ceiling. Part of him wanted to look at Mia’s Insta post, but he wasn’t sure he could actually face it right now. Maybe it was cowardly, but he put his phone face down on his nightstand and left it there.

It was 10:30. That gave him an hour and a half to shower, get dressed, and get to Benji’s. He had never been to Benji’s house but he knew it was near Brasstown, which meant he could probably walk and not bother with bussing. The only problem was that as soon as he left his room he would be at risk of running into his family, and the idea of facing any of them, even Adrian, felt impossible.

Things hadn’t exactly gone horribly last night. At the very least, there hadn’t been any yelling or throwing of things. His mami had waited until she was in her bedroom to cry, and she definitely hadn’t _meant_ for Victor to hear her while he was brushing his teeth. It just hadn’t gone _well_ either.

Victor groaned and rolled over onto his stomach, his face pressed into his bed sheet. He allowed himself one more minute to be dramatic, and then forced himself to his feet. If he made it to the bathroom and back without running into anyone he’d be able to hide out in his room until it was time to go.

He stuck his head out his door to check that the coast was clear before speed walking the few feet to the bathroom. The door was closed. He was about to turn around and book it back to his room when Pilar opened it, still in her pajamas and looking half-asleep. She startled when she saw him.

“Jesus! You could just knock instead of lurking in the doorway,” she grumbled.

“Uh, sorry,” Victor said, trying to slide past her into the bathroom without a scene. Instead of moving out of the way though she opened her mouth, looking like she was about to say something deeply uncomfortable for her.

“Um. How are you doing?” It was such a foreign question for Pilar to ask that Victor froze. He raised his eyebrows at her. She crossed her arms. “I’m allowed to care about my big brother, aren’t I?” she challenged.

He shrugged, backing down. “Yeah, sure. I’m okay.”

Pilar just looked at him, still not moving.

“I mean I’m not _okay,_ but I’ll be okay, you know?”

She nodded, looking down. “Okay.”

“How are _you_?” Victor asked. He couldn’t help himself. She looked so small, standing in the doorway in her oversized Billie Eilish t-shirt and plaid pajama pants, trying to be strong for him. She shrugged, still looking at the floor.

“Whatever. It’s not like our family wasn’t already broken, right?”

Victor sighed. As much as he wanted to, he didn’t think he had it in him to be an optimist for her today. “I guess,” he said.

Pilar’s eyes snapped back up to him in surprise, but she didn’t challenge him. “Right. I’m gonna–” She gestured towards her room. He nodded. They traded places and Victor closed the bathroom door behind himself, chest tight, eyes prickling.

It took him longer than usual to get dressed after his shower. All of his clothes felt like they belonged to a Victor who acted straight, who was dating Mia. Nothing felt good enough to wear on his first date with a boy. If this was a date. It _was_ a date, right?

When he’d finally settled on something (a t-shirt that might have been a little tighter than his others and skinny jeans that Lake once told him made his ass look good) he put Simon’s jacket over it, and that at least felt right. Looking at his phone he saw that it was time to go if he wanted to be on time. Benji had already texted his address. Maybe if he was lucky no one would be around to see him leave.

Predictably, he wasn’t that lucky.

When Victor walked into the kitchen his mami looked up from the stove and smiled like nothing had changed. Victor’s stomach flipped. “Buenas, mi amor. You slept late.”

Victor shrugged. He hadn’t really, but it was unlike him to hide out in his room like he had, so she wouldn’t have any way to know that. “I was tired, I guess.” That much was true.

“Do you want a grilled cheese? Or an egg?” She turned back to the stove to check the sandwich she was already cooking. Probably Adrian’s lunch. Victor’s stomach pointedly reminded him that he had skipped breakfast, usually his favorite meal of the day, but he knew there was food waiting for him at Benji’s.

“No thanks mami,” he said. “I was actually gonna head out for a bit if that’s okay.”

She turned around, maybe a little more sharply than she would have usually. “Oh? Where are you off to?”

Victor fiddled with the hem of Simon’s jacket. “Just hanging out with a friend.”

“Anyone I know?” She had turned around again, feigning nonchalance, but Victor had a feeling she wasn’t going to like his answer. He thought about lying, but wasn’t the whole point that he didn’t need to anymore?

“Do you remember Benji? From my birthday party?”

“Benji,” his mami repeated, thinking. Victor watched her shoulders stiffen the moment she remembered. “The one with the boyfriend.”

“Uh, yeah.” Victor decided she didn’t need to know that Benji and Derek had broken up just yet.

“Are you two… close?” She asked, transferring the grilled cheese from the pan to a waiting plate.

Victor shrugged even though she wasn’t looking at him. “We work together a lot,” he said. Not a lie. They used to, at least.

“I see.”

Victor had never felt farther away from her. Before he could respond, his papi entered the kitchen. He nodded at Victor but didn’t say anything, making his way towards the fridge.

“Mando,” his mami said. “Victor was just leaving to hang out with Benji.” His papi looked at her blankly. “His friend with the boyfriend,” she added. His eyebrows shot up, and he turned to Victor, giving him a long, searching look. Victor found that he couldn’t quite meet his eyes.

“Okay,” his papi finally said.

“Okay?” his mami asked.

“Well, we can’t stop him from having friends.”

“But don’t you think–” she shot a glance at Victor and then lowered her voice, even though he could obviously still hear her. “Don’t you think this– this _Benji_ , might be a bad influence?”

“Mami,” Victor interrupted, eyes burning, “Benji didn’t _make_ me gay.”

She looked at him like he’d slapped her. “Of course not, mi amor, I just think you might be confused.”

Victor wanted to yell at her, but his throat was tight. He wondered if he was going to cry.

“Let him go, Isabel,” his papi said quietly. “You’re not going to solve anything by making him hate us.”

“Oh, so now _I’m_ making him hate us? I’m the bad guy _again_?” His mami turned on his papi, and now Victor was sure he would cry if he stayed a second longer. His papi was responding, voice rising, but Victor didn’t stay to hear what he said. He turned on his heel and left the apartment as quickly as he could, door slamming shut behind him.

In the quiet of the hallway Victor leaned against the chipped wall and tried to control his breathing. The light closest to their apartment door was buzzing like it always did. He could hear the neighbor across the hall vacuuming and could smell meat cooking from somewhere more distant in the building.

He didn’t know what to make of his papi standing up for him. He didn’t know if he would ever be as close to his mami as he had been before last night. He didn’t know what would happen when they separated. He didn’t know if he could bear any of it.

He straightened up.

He wiped the rough denim of his jacket sleeve against his eyes a little too hard.

He made his way down the carpeted stairs and left the building.

The walk to Benji’s helped. As he felt the physical distance between himself and the apartment growing he was able to find some mental distance from the argument too. Instead he thought about Benji.

Benji’s laugh. Benji’s voice. Benji’s hips when he danced. Benji’s lips. He couldn’t believe he’d spent so long denying his feelings to himself.

The address Benji had texted led Victor to a house that was small and blue with white trim. It was well maintained, with a neat little lawn and a basket of hanging flowers on the porch, but it wasn’t fancy or intimidating like Mia’s house. When Victor texted to say that he’d arrived, Benji appeared almost immediately, sliding out of the front door instead of inviting him inside. Victor was grateful that he wouldn’t have to face meeting Benji’s parents today, if a little surprised that his mom would trust a teenager she’d never met with her car.

Benji handed over the keys with a wink and pointed Victor towards a green sedan parked in the driveway. It matched the house in a way- not flashy or new, but obviously well taken care of.

Inside the car Benji played music from his phone through a Bluetooth speaker. (“No aux,” he explained, making a face.) He directed Victor to the highway and they ate the sandwiches he’d brought while they drove. It was easy, in the way that spending time with Benji always had been.

Benji didn’t ask about Mia or Victor’s parents or coming out. Victor didn’t ask about Derek. Instead, they sang along to pop songs and made fun of pro-life billboards and Benji told horror stories about his short-lived elementary school soccer career.

By the time Benji pointed out their exit Victor felt like he was floating on some sweet cloud. He couldn’t have said how long they’d been driving and he didn’t care. He followed Benji’s directions down a windy road enclosed by thick trees that ended in a small strip of parking spots and a single trailhead. After turning off the engine he turned to Benji, lips a flat line.

“Benji, be honest. Did you, or did you not, bring me here to murder me?”

Benji fought a laugh for a minute and then he shrugged, mimicking Victor’s straight face. “Well, that _was_ the plan, but unfortunately,” he gestured to the handful of other cars in the lot, “witnesses.” They burst out laughing and Victor felt so _right._

“So how do you feel about hiking?” Benji asked once they were out of the car.

“It seems like it might be a little late for that question,” Victor teased.

Benji pushed his hair back, unconcerned. “Well, yeah. I took a calculated risk.”

Victor laughed and started for the trailhead. “Lucky for you, hiking sounds pretty great right now.”

Benji smiled back at him. “I’m glad.”

They walked in silence for a little while and Victor enjoyed the sensation of the air in his lungs, thick with oxygen. The path was smooth and well maintained, and wide enough that they could easily walk side by side. The backs of their hands brushed now and then, and Victor thought about what it would feel like to take Benji’s hand and hold it. The thought sent bubbles of warmth through him.

In their first few minutes on the trail they passed a few people. First a man with a cloud of grey hair running with his dog, then a straight white couple who seemed to be in their twenties. The thought of being _seen_ holding Benji’s hand was very different. His stomach twisted with anxiety.

“So, do you want to talk about it?” Benji interrupted Victor’s spinning thoughts.

“Talk about what?”

Benji hummed. “I guess I meant your parents, but any of it really.”

Victor nodded, throat suddenly dry. “I guess it’s all just a lot to take in,” he said. “I don’t really know what them separating is gonna mean for us. And me coming out to them…” He trailed off. “It all just feels really up in the air.”

“How did they take it?” Victor could feel Benji looking at him, but kept his eyes on the path ahead of them.

He shrugged. “My dad’s just been really… quiet. And my mom–” He stopped, thinking of hearing her sobs behind a closed door. “She kept saying how hard it’ll make my life. She thinks I’m confused.”

Benji made a sympathetic sound. “That sucks.” 

“Yeah. I guess I’m not surprised. But yeah, it sucks.” He saw Benji nod out of the corner of his eye and they were both quiet for another moment. “What did your parents say when you told them?” Victor asked.

Benji seemed to think for a moment before responding. “Well, I was in the hospital at the time, so it was all extra dramatic,” he said. There was humor in his voice, but the kind that Victor could tell had only come with time. “My mom was really upset that she hadn’t ‘fostered an environment where I could feel safe being myself’ or whatever. My dad kind of nodded along, but I could tell… Well, like I said, things haven’t been the same with us since.”

Victor nodded, not sure what to say.

“I mean, I’m really lucky, I know that,” Benji continued. “It could have been a lot worse. But it definitely felt like they made it about themselves.”

Victor glanced over at him, something like relief relaxing some of the tension in his shoulders. “Totally,” he said. “That’s exactly it.”

Benji met Victor’s eyes and Victor immediately tripped over a dip in the path. Benji reflexively grabbed Victor’s arm, keeping him upright, but as soon as Victor was steady he let go. They both laughed, but Victor couldn't shake the echo of Benji’s touch on his bicep.

“Could I ask you something?” Victor said once their laughter had died. Benji raised his eyebrows, his lips quirking, but Victor stopped him. “Don’t you dare say I just did.”

Benji laughed, raising his hands in surrender. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” Victor gave him a disbelieving look and Benji snorted. “Okay, go ahead, I’m an open book.”

Victor nodded, looking ahead again. “Did you and Derek like… touch a lot in public?” He couldn’t bring himself to look over at Benji as he waited for an answer.

“I guess it kind of depended on the situation?” Benji said finally. “Derek wasn’t big on like hand holding or anything. But I think he kind of liked kissing me when other people were around because it was like… a possessive thing? Like maybe… he was claiming me?”

Anger flared hot and bright in the pit of Victor’s stomach. “That’s stupid,” he said.

Benji laughed at his decisiveness. “Yeah. I mean, like I said, things weren’t great for awhile.”

“Benji, that’s worse than not great. You don’t belong to anyone. I would never–” Victor stopped short, his cheeks suddenly hot.

“Thanks, Victor.” Benji’s voice was soft, and Victor glanced over to see him smiling. His head spun. He looked back at the path, afraid he would trip again.

“I just asked because I um– this is all so new to me. And I don’t know– I just mean–” The more Victor stumbled over his words the more embarrassed he felt. He took a deep breath. “I just wouldn’t want you to ever feel like I’m ashamed of you,” he managed to spit out.

Benji didn’t respond right away and when Victor looked over he was surprised to see that Benji looked close to tears.

“Shit, Benji, I didn’t mean– I don’t even know if you want–”

“Victor, stop,” Benji interrupted with a light laugh. “You’re being really sweet. I appreciate it. I’m just realizing that maybe this is all kind of new for me too.”

“Oh.” Victor’s stomach dropped. He wasn’t a violent person, but he kind of wanted to hit Derek.

“How about I make you a promise?” Benji said. “If you ever make me feel like you’re ashamed of me, or do anything that hurts me, I promise I’ll tell you.”

Victor let out a breath. “Okay,” he said.

“But you have to promise that you’ll tell me too if I ever hurt you.” Victor nodded. He couldn’t imagine that ever happening, but it seemed like a fair expectation.

“I promise.”

“Good. And in the meantime, I want you to know that we can go as slowly as you need to.”

“Okay.”

“I’m serious. You’re dealing with a lot right now. And obviously I’m– I mean, I _really_ like you, so I’m not going anywhere, okay? I don’t want you to push yourself to do anything you aren’t ready to do for me.”

Victor couldn’t help but smile as he looked over at Benji. “Thanks, Benji,” he said. And then, “I really like you too.” He watched Benji’s cheeks get pinker and his heartbeat raced at the thought that _he’d_ done that. Benji bit his lip. _Adorable,_ Victor thought.

“Cool.”

Victor let out a huff of laughter, remembering their conversation from earlier. “Cool,” he said.

They walked in silence for a little while longer, Victor’s blood still pounding too fast to be blamed on the light exercise of the hike. Eventually, Benji stopped, nodding towards a different trail sprouting off the main one. It was narrower, and where the path they were on was mostly smooth, rocks and roots stuck up from the ground of the new one.

“If we go this way it’ll get pretty steep for a bit, but there’s a really good view at the top.”

Victor nodded eagerly. “I’m game. I was just thinking this hike could use a bit of a challenge,” he joked.

Benji rolled his eyes, half-fighting a smile. “Okay, Mr. Athlete, let’s go then.”

Benji hadn’t been kidding, the path got steep fast. So steep that Victor felt a sheen of sweat coat his face and removed his jacket, tying it around his waist. When he glanced over he caught Benji looking at his arms and raised his eyebrows. Benji blushed again and looked away.

“Shut up,” he muttered. Victor laughed, wondering if this was really his life.

Victor let out a slow breath when they reached the top. The trail ended abruptly in a tumbling cliff, a worn spot in the dirt where hikers obviously stopped frequently to take in the view at the edge. A valley swept out below them, lush green, dotted with trees and the infrequent house, a river meandering through it. The sky was overcast today, and Victor imagined that in sunlight everything would look even more perfect, but there was something breathtaking about the grey of the sky, rolling with clouds, breaking only here and there to let out a sliver of blue. He looked over at Benji.

“This is amazing,” he said.

Benji caught his eyes, grinning. “Yeah. I love it here.” Victor pressed his lips together, something unfamiliar and as expansive as the sky in front of them roaring through him. “I’ve tried to draw it so many times,” Benji added, his eyes still not leaving Victor’s.

“You should show me sometime,” Victor said. Now Benji looked away, back out over the valley.

“Sure, if you want.” Victor got the sense that there was something Benji wasn’t saying again, but he let it go. “Want to sit?” Benji asked.

“Yeah, definitely.” Benji sat in the dirt, his legs stretched out in front of him. When Victor sat down cross-legged beside him he let his knee press lightly into Benji’s thigh. Neither of them mentioned it, but Victor was pretty sure he saw Benji smile to himself.

Victor wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, alternating between comfortable silence and light chatter. Everything waiting for him back in Shady Creek hovered somewhere in the back of his mind, not the least of which was an intimidating pile of homework that he hadn’t even touched this weekend, but it was easy to ignore all of it here. He and Benji hadn’t seen anyone else since they turned onto the narrower path. Victor would have believed that they were the only people left in the world.

“Thanks for taking me here, Benji,” he said, breaking one of their silences. “You were right, this was exactly what I needed.”

Benji smiled and placed his hand on top of Victor’s where it sat on his knee. “I’m glad it’s helping.” Victor glanced down at their hands and Benji looked like he might pull away, but before he could Victor turned his palm upward, weaving his fingers through Benji’s.

“You’re helping too,” Victor said, meeting Benji’s eyes. Benji swallowed and Victor let himself look, taking in the flecks of color in his irises, the light freckles on his nose, the pink tingeing his cheekbones. After months of stealing glances it felt like he was gorging himself, and there was nothing to stop him.

“Should we get going?” Benji asked, not breaking Victor’s gaze. Victor glanced down at Benji’s lips, full and almost startlingly pink.

“Sure,” he said. “But.” He licked his own lips. “Can I kiss you first?”

Benji smiled, looking almost relieved. “Yeah, definitely.”

Victor lifted his hand to Benji’s jaw and they kissed and Victor was pretty sure he would never get tired of it, the way they melted into each other. When they broke apart, both breathless, Benji tilted his forehead to press against Victor’s. Their noses brushed.

“Hey, Benji,” Victor breathed.

“Yeah?”

“I’m gay.”

Benji grinned, pulling back a little further and squeezing Victor’s hand. “Yeah, after all that I sure fucking hope so.”

Victor laughed. “I just thought you should hear me say it.”

“Thank you,” Benji said. He was grinning. He was so gorgeous. “How are you feeling?”

“Right now? I’m good,” Victor said. “I’m really good.” And he meant it. Because things might not be perfect, but after the first time he had kissed Benji he had hated himself for it, and now–

Now, with Simon’s jacket tied around his waist, and Benji’s hand wrapped in his, he couldn’t hate this part of himself. Not anymore. It was too bright. Too beautiful. Too inseparable from all of the joy he’d suddenly stumbled upon. He was good. He was really good.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm on tumblr @couldbeinseveraldifferentplaces <3


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